Friday, May 17, 2019

Creating Hell for Fun and Profit (in process)

 Creating Hell for Fun and Profit
 
I – Suffer the Women and Children
 
 
 
What becomes of unwanted children?
Pimped out or outright sold for
sadistic pleasures?
Dying on broken streets of disease
or violence, drugs of death, suicides?
Is this what you meant, what you demand,
vulture-eyed zealots rapt for your evil
deity?
 
 
 
Young children are subjected to all kinds of horrible experiences perpetrated by their so-called caretakers, both abusing parents and those in whose care parents mistakenly leave them in order to go to jobs to provide for the material needs of the family. A great many people suffer basic deprivations of food and shelter. Many children face lifelong handicaps resulting from early malnutrition. Many are left with lifelong emotional and physical scars from having to fend for themselves on the streets from an early age. Violence is learned as the appropriate reaction to anger and frustrations. In the media and on the streets, violence is glorified and rewarded. Love is seen as being linked to pain, of betrayal, of loss, and the love/pain link experienced in abusive family relationships. Poverty both material and emotional is endured, but not quietly. Violent reactions are visited especially on the families and neighbors themselves subject to these brutalizing environments, as well as upon those who are materially better off, in the form of all manner of violent crime. The criminal justice system seems to only reflect and propagate the brutalizing conditions which do nothing to ameliorate the hate, pain, frustrations in an endless cycle of violence, victimizing victims and perpetrators and numbing the sensibilities of the professionals who attempt to work within the system. The education system fails to educate in most of the areas that we need to understand to function in our world. How much do we learn in school (or even at home or on the streets) about basic health and safety, financial management, childcare, legal rights and responsibilities, civic duties and how our democracy best works, communicating effectively and working well with others, building meaningful relationships, building self-esteem, building and maintaining a home? Instead, most of what our young people learn in the schools that they must spend most of their formative years attending seems to be more destructive and counterproductive than truly useful. Like it or not, our children (the children of our world, be we parents or not) are our future. The quality of life we can look forward to is the quality of life we teach our children to expect and produce. We live out the expectations we are producing today. Do we really want a world based on violence and ignorance? I don't. I want a world in which I and my loved ones could live in relative peace, security and well-informed choice.
 
 
 
 
 
I am beginning to think that this whole anti-abortion, anti-contraception idea is about rapists who want to impregnate their victims and then have access to torture them for life.  Mighty big hate on. No doubt politicians vote for policies to excite their red state constituency of white nationalist incels who can only reproduce through rape, and feel entitled to pass their rapey genes on for the next generations, with the added benefit that, considering the high rate of maternal mortality among black women, these laws can be part of a white nationalist attempt at genocide.
 
Rape for the rapist can be likened to bestiality in that he negates the humanity of the victim.
Rape is a political statement.  It says: "I am everything.  You are nothing."  When politicians force women to bear children, it is a form of rape.
 
 
 
Woman needs to be seen as much more than a biological incubator, to be seen as a full person with self agency.
 
 
Legislating against reproductive choice is not the classic protection of the innocent from the powerful, but really (no matter your position on religion) interfering with a sacred relationship. Because of the nature of mammalian biology, we have a newly forming creature growing within the body of a more mature creature of its kind. When that relationship is desired by the mother, it is wonderful and fulfilling. When that relationship is not desired, it is horrendous, nightmarish. Then, of course, there are the situations when the pregnancy is actually dangerous to the health of the mother, or to the health and well-being of her other children, or when the fetus is malformed to the point of surviving, if it does, in a horrendous nightmarish state which the mother would need to endure with the child. These are not the kinds of choices that government should make. These are issues much too personal to belong to the impersonal state.
 
The US Constitution says absolutely nothing about abortion, which is as it should be.  Such medical decisions have no place being regulated by government at all.  The correct Supreme Court decision for this case, in my opinion, would be to state that very clearly.  It's about being able to make our own decisions about our own bodies -- not privacy as such, but personal integrity.  It is very dangerous to legislate in these areas.  For instance, look at the drug laws which have been used to lock up those perceived as social misfits, which is apparently a vast percentage of our society according to the numbers of prisoners who have had their rights abrogated.
 
 
 
God gives us freewill, unless
we are fertile females.  The ability to
gestate/bear young
automatically makes one a slave.
 
 
 
Divisive politics takes in a whole gamut of issues, of which abortion is but one, and RvW merely part of the overall picture.  What the Christians are rallying around is not merely abortion, but their idea that they are not getting enough respect by the rest of us because God Himself is their leader.  The abortion rights issue was one that was used, consciously and determinedly, by power-hungry leaders of "the faith" as an issue of polarization:  "See, all those who mock are evil murderers working for Satan."  There is absolutely nothing wrong with believing abortion to be murder.  There are some sound arguments.  The problem is, there are many instances in which murder (defined as the killing of a human by another human or group of humans) is very much condoned.  There are many other instances in which it is tolerated as the lesser evil.  In fact, most Right to Lifers I am aware of are 4-square in favor of the death penalty, and the military.  Ultimately their problem is not so much with murder as with sin, the sin of sex for other than reproduction.  In fact, I have had several anti-choice folks tell me exactly that.  More basically, it seems to boil down to 1) who gets to make the rules for all of us and A) the absolutely nonsensical sick backassward attitudes toward sex so prevalent in this country.  ("1" and "A" representing two separate but equal streams)
 
 
 
An Ignored Voice
 
 
"Mommy, don't make me!
Don't keep me and hate me.
Your poisoned womb
tears my soul.
Please let me go."
 
"Child, it will be alright.
I'll give you to outraged strangers
who have prayed for your life."
 
"No, Mommy.  Don't you see?
I am your destiny.
Release me from mortal penitence.  Do what you must.
In this tiny voice, put your trust.
Grieving, set my spirit free.
You know this is meant to be.
We both know how much you care.
This choice is your cross to bear."
 
“Entitled man, don’t make me.
Don’t demand my birth and hate me.
My fate is mine, don’t you declare?
Not in my name – I’m not your cross to bear.”
 
 
 
sacrifice
 
 
Why would a woman risk
death or other bodily terrors,
social exposure to all the slings and arrows
of frenzied hate,
to end her unborn’s fate?
She is protecting her child, like a good mother does,
despite her own suffering,
protecting her innocent from this horrid world,
from people like you.
 
 
 
For Christianity, life on Earth is a test of our immortal souls.  We are sent here by God to be tested.  Those who pass get eternity in Heaven, unhindered by unbelievers or lesser souls.  At last reward of the end of Earthly chores and suffering. This informs the Christian argument against abortion (aside from "sex is sin"). These innocent children must be born and baptized to get to Heaven (apparently once infants have been alive to be consecrated to God, “conservatives” would just as soon He take them) because God wants those souls incarnated for their testing.  No Heaven without birth on Earth.  Though, if life starts at conception, ought not that short womb life be test enough for those so pure that God accepts them back immediately, whether through divine intervention (miscarriage) or human agency (perhaps informed by spiritual contemplation)?
Not even going into what women (and even young girls) so often have to go through, what about these innocent children you are condemning (against their mothers' wills) to a life in which they have no place, no warm welcome, no "safety net" for when they are defeated by the horrors of Hell such Christians are making of our Earth?  There is more to human life than birth.  Are we honoring vital rights to clean air, clean water, nutritious food, shelter including climate shelter?  Are the self-entitled “Godly” supporting any kind of real life at all?
 
 
 
There Is Only One Sin
 
 
Christ died to save us
for our sin of hubris.
But how be forgiven
while you persist
in twisting your own admonitions
as Truth,
then using this madness
as righteous excuse
to quell self-expression
that you proclaim "sin,"
persecuting lifestyles not
condoned by your kin.
Because truth is, the All
Knowing and Giving
includes multitudes as
exemplars of living.
Now, informed, enlightened,
pray for peaceful amends.
Acceptance outpours, a
welcome world wide with friends.
Hands stretch o’er bent knees,
upward open our eyes.
Humbled by divine truths,
loving and wise.
 
 
 
 
 
Child's Prayer
 
 
Forcibly pulled from eternity’s
perfect view.
Wrenched out of limitless beauty.
Damned to dependent servitude.
Yet incipient brilliance, potent skills
offered no access route.
Disallowed, stamped down, suppressed.
Kept captive, starved,
brutalized, not for crime
nor failing.
 
Conjuring puissant spirit
ought not be lightly perpetrated.
Never taught essential honor
attests poor training
for mentor responsibility.
May my nascent plea
whisper shrilly, disturb your
inner ear?
Release my wings.
You have no use for 
the person I would grow to be.
Set my future free.  Let me fly home.
 
 
 
 
Many people who spittle hate against women who need abortions seem to have this little scenario going on in their head of licentious sex, lust-fueled irresponsibility that must be punished by inflicting yet another unwanted child on the world.
Yet, from what I have seen, most abortions are not in any way "convenient". They are often chilling tales of life and death decision based on horrific circumstances. 
 
Imagine sex separate from reproduction.  Now, understand that abortion is chosen for serious reasons not about irresponsibly giving in to lust.
 
 
 
 
Struggling through childhood,
the tales get twisted.
Little boys & little girls
separate language.
We think we know our place,
our destinies,
from the games we're given,
the words we've learned to imitate,
rhymes, reasons, rituals.
Imbibing passion body to body,
we awaken rules of blame.
The woman tempts.
The hero conquers.
The sad boy desires a
self-fulfilling fantasy,
stomping upon his heart to
start the flow of real blood,
real rage.
 
 
 
 
 
Nobody likes to admit what casual cruelty we are capable of. Gang-raping children because we can doesn't appeal to our desired self-image. Her mother allowed it in exchange for food, a place to sleep, the blessed drugs to keep away the pain of knowing the endless, hopeless misery life had become. Or, she was alone on that dark street, lost and frightened, with nowhere safe to go, no one protecting her just then. Her sexuality tempted me, in all that frenzy of bonding blood cries, heightened primal energies, hot insistent bodies falling under ritual spell. She is but a sacrifice, a holding cell for sin. There is no freedom for will to grow within her, only unwanted, tainted seed, thrust outward from the nauseous collective psyche to poison her potential. Does she need to be defined by what has been done against her nascent will?
 
 
 
Post-trauma
 
 
A child of my own
rape, it shaped me, made me
less and more
Memories stored, to
when I can't go on implore:
"You'll feel better
when you're gone."
 
 
 
 
 
Bitter Dregs
 
 
You don't get it.
You don't want to.
It would be too much to bear
if you let your thought go there.
Briefly unconscious, awakened to
hard concrete ground surrounded
by heels and toes, amazing
they don't crush me, but no,
like clockstep they walk around
though occasionally a(n unmeaning?)
shove -- I'm not a someone,
just a minor obstacle
unnoted in their busy day.
No worries.
Not like shoved down under
hard muscle, jutting  bone,
stinking of beer and rage;
or waking from too brief oblivion,
broken pain, bleeding
tears, torn, bruised, a
colorful toy
made for pleasure.
Then the voices, echoes.
Harpies and Sirens, Furies
and sad old women.  Fingers
shake in disapprobation.
Shrill voices call me beautiful,
in the way that ugly things are.
So bad, so pitiful, cardinal
status among the neverweres.
Struggling shadows, whispering
curses demurely lest anyone
notice and throw them further
down, below duration.
Never easy, confessing degradation.
The sin adheres.  No one wants to know.
 
 
 
 
Ok, I'm going to try to explain this, though I will probably regret it.  The issue isn't pro-life or pro-abortion; it is pro or anti choice.  No one is asking the government to require abortions.  No one wants to force anyone to have an abortion, even to save their own life.  I don't know if any of you were around when abortion was illegal.  It was around the same time that judges were requiring indigent women to to be sterilized, because they already had children dependent on the state, or because they were deemed unfit.  The movement to legalize abortion under certain conditions to be performed by trained physicians was a movement to save lives.  Women who were desperate would have so-called backroom abortions or take poisons or falls or otherwise seriously compromise their lives and health to avoid what must have been to them a fate worse than death, for a variety of reasons.  The anti-abortion laws were not essentially about saving lives; they were about keeping women in their place.  Men who didn't want a potential child could walk out.  However, there was always forcing their lady love into backroom or Tijuana abortions, a practice actually fairly common, certainly not generally frowned upon.  If they didn’t want to pay for that, kick her in the stomach/throw her down the stairs – whatever it takes to end this potential unwanted complication.  I also don't know if you are aware that pregnancy and childbirth is no walk in the park.  There can be a variety of serious risks to the life and health of the potential mother at any point along the way, even late in the pregnancy.  No one is saying you should be required to consider abortion just because giving birth might make your child (and those you already have) motherless, and there are women who are willing to give their lives for the chance that their baby might live.  There are also women who are not ready to make that sacrifice.  There are certainly women who can separate the father from the child and carry their rapist's baby to term, even raise and love the child.  There are others who can't.  There are women who endure the suffering to love that tiny, short, agonizingly painful life that results from serious birth defects, diseases, anomalies, all the tragic possibilities that can become real.  There are those who sincerely believe they are doing a service to their child and their families by in a sense a pre-life mercy killing.  We all have to live with the consequences of the circumstances of our lives.  It would be better for us to take and bear the responsibility for those circumstances as much as possible.  I see the anti-choice position as anti-personal-responsibility.  I see the pro-choice position as saying we must each take responsibility for our lives, our actions, our children.  Shouting epithets, bombing clinics, killing or jailing doctors or advocating it, how is that about love or compassion or any Christian virtue?  Perhaps if we could generally come from a place of loving compassion, we could learn to speak softly and sincerely and find that what we all want, ultimately, is a kinder, gentler, better world for us all in which we can learn to hear each other's stories, concerns, truths without rancor and condemnation.
 
 
 
If you don't believe that abortion should be allowed, don't do it, scream your beliefs when you perceive someone is listening, understand that what would really help to limit these outcomes is to make it easier to be a parent and a child with real pro-life policies involving financial and social support for raising kids, volunteer to give loving aid to people in need, make a difference -- not a law.
 
 
 
The 2nd Amendment asserts that the right of citizens to even their dangerous property, such as weapons, is still sacrosanct against government abrogation.
 
The underlying principle is that we are a free and independent people. We have the natural right to take care of ourselves rather than give over our power to a parental government on which we entirely depend. A further underlying principle is the right to private property for which we are responsible.
 
What property is more personal, private, essential to individuality, than our own bodies? True freedom and independence is only possible if we have the power over how our bodies are used based on our own values and needs. Thus, I propose that the individual liberty side of such issues as abortion, illicit drugs, assisted suicide, and others of this ilk could well be argued on a 2nd Amendment basis.
 
 
 
Hey Conservatives, what about a market solution to abortion?  While some abortions may not respond well to the market -- those due to serious medical issues or rape -- for those abortions we mostly say we want to end, those that are by choice due to financial or opportunity loss concerns, people who truly care about saving fetal lives could adopt the fetus and take on legal and financial responsibility, or put money into a stock option on it, or bid for it on some kind of ebay like site, or otherwise improve its market value.
 
 
 
Abortions save mothers lives, both directly and in a broader sense. They often save the unborn child from a life that no one ought to be forced to endure. Perhaps what is needed are massive wrongful life suits (maybe class action or pro bono through activist lawyers) brought by horribly deformed and diseased children against the "right to life" groups that required their birth. Life is not always a gift, but sometimes more like a curse, a burden that those who insisted they knew better than the mother ought to pay for if we are to have credence as a free society. A right to life for free people is also a right to not be forced to live.
 
 
 
Eureka! It all makes sense. No abortion or birth control or gayness so we build the population pressure as quickly as possible. No serious controls on pollutants or nuclear reactors or fossil fuel output, in fact let's dig up whatever fossil fuels are left as quickly as we can -- don't worry about the consequences because
 
We are heading for Armageddon
When we will no longer live on the dirt
Sentenced to Hell or Heaven
for Eternity -- can't be any worse
than how we've mucked up
God's Green Earth!!!
 
 
 
 
 
I spent a large portion of my life wishing I had been aborted so that I would not have to suffer my existence.  If I felt that way, I'm sure others do as well.  So many people have had it so much worse than I have.  Not abortion for birth control, but for death control, early suicide prevention.  Have you seen the statistics?  Not to go into gory details, but I can tell you that I have no fear of Hell.
 
 
 
Cruelty (excerpt)
https://nightspages.blogspot.com/ - {patchwork narrative} a flash fiction serial following the story of a child vampire, the eternal child monster working out that existence
 
 
Throughout night walks I see, touch their misery;
so many unwanted people, so much gratuitous cruelty.
Children thoughtlessly conceived, grudgingly expelled helpless,
let loose into the world without a friend.  All these people who
trust death much more than life.
A streak of compassion grasps my pondering mind, takes thought
into a whirl of streams.  I am drawn to wondering about mothers,
their archetype of loving protection.  How do beleaguered women
conscious of their inability to give what they lack, of their bleakness,
allow their children birth into useless suffering, into brutality?
Inculcated or innate, maternal imperative, moral responsibility to love
and protect, ought sound strong warning against prolonging
unfortunate gestation.  Certainly women have always shared knowledge,
means of ending what ought not have begun.  Or do they feel need for
outward manifestation of their sins of pleasure, of weakness, of
worthlessness?  Do they bear not blessings but images to punish,
a chain of blood and thorns as reminder and retribution?
 
Do potential mothers, pregnant with potential children
who have no interest in being born, diseased or
precognizant of earthly depredations, do they as
sympathetic hosts feel this horror of gestation’s
consequences?  Are these unborn the true instigators
of abortive maternal acts?  If their mothers are not able,
or sufficiently sympathetic, to comply, is suicide a
rectification, a severely late-term abortion?      [Connection
 
 

mid-May

Counterscreams
eating all our energies
while the real work lies
undone, our world surrendered
to entropy
 
 
 
Speak the language of your audience
for your words to be heard.
 
 
 
Don’t worry
about your future woes.
The world is ending soon
(one way or another)
Enjoy your final days!
(let your best self shine
unclouded by fear of repercussions)
The expanded vision of age becoming ash.
 
 
 
History/Herstory
People who care enough about the future
to preserve their stories
 
 
 
You no longer matter to me, if
you only see me as not you.
 
 
 
Race – a contest
Framing our social castes
to proclaim winners’ rules.
 
 
 
No longer thinking or feeling
Dead, even if still breathing
Existence is futile
No bright future in which to belong.
 
 
 
Emotional, not physical, love
is more than enough powerful bond.
 
 
 
You say “woke”
I say “Duh!”
 
 
 
We do not inspire the vast nonvoter constituency
with Republican lite.  Or Democrat lite.
We inspire citizens to do their civic duty
not by fear or slinging mud for entertainment.
They need reason to believe that leaders
really care, reality listen, really act.
 
 
 
What becomes of unwanted children?
Pimped out or outright sold for
sadistic pleasures?
Dying on broken streets of disease
or violence, drugs of death and
other suicides?
Is this what you meant, what you demand,
vulture-eyed zealots rapt for your evil
deity?
 
 
God gives us freewill, unless
we are fertile females.  The ability to
gestate/bear young
automatically makes one a slave.
 
 
 
Entitled man, don’t make me.
Don’t demand my birth and hate me.
My fate is mine, don’t you declare?
Not in my name – I’m not your cross to bear. 
 
 
 

5/14-17/19

Monday, May 13, 2019

desperate times

Always moving
forward through shadow
enthralled by blood’s warm comfort.
 
 
 
 
It’s time to realize
how horrid people are
when so many of us are
dying of preventable despair.
 
 
 
 
Brilliant Black Women
might save us.
People who learned to survive
aware, strong, tough,
experience deeply, synthesize
overarched understanding,
core root cause, branching
feeding collective consciousness
limiting blinds, binds, silence --
wise women dispel, free our view.
 
 
Who do we trust when lies within falsehoods are
all demanding our minds?
Who cares to act kindly without
legitimizing fools, defying rules as
well-meaning guides, acting to further their
visions regardless of sides that seek to divide?
 
Not difficult, nor new, or even at odds
with best evidence; what impels us to focus
against what is so clearly sensible, sane?
 
 
 
All people suck
but at different amplitudes
at different times.
 
 
 
 

5/9-13/19

Saturday, May 11, 2019

mothers

Mother and Child Meditation
 
 
Visualize the bond between Mother and Child.
Do you imagine it broken by
internal jealousies, shyness against intimacy,
cringing before angry gods of tribal culture,
dying of a thousand casual wounds, volleys
of will and grievance cast into fragile frays?
Or do you see a pageantry of unfailing matriarchs.
Strong sons and daughters waltz in attendance.
Flowers bloom from every slip of finery into
fertile mud.
Mothers of our species tend toward
adaptability, bear challenge of balance.
Trying out touted trends, begging for guidance
when their own experience ill fits today's
terror and tantalization.  Always someone must
be blamed; sentiments must be appeased.
Where is the ease, the joy, the sharing up and down,
familial care and comfort?  Where is that not our fair
Command?
A child is a gift to the future; a mother is a gift
of nature and nurture.  Each brings, receives
all imaginable possibilities.  Each is a present day.
 
 
 
 
Mother of shadows
 
 
Nyx:
Dark encircling
womb,
Goddess of Night
from sacred eternity
feeds dreamers
the potency of stars'
cosmic light.
Concave, maternal protective sea 
reflecting
myth's shadow.
 
 
 
 
Mother Night
 
 
Darkness is not defined by
absence of light.
Shadow cavorts unbound to substance.
Darkness is a place of germination.
Mixing water, air and earth
to create the fire of life renewed.
 
Quiet here,
enclosed in silence.
A tiny heartbeat starts,
sends out waves,
reverberations
rippling through deep ground.
Under water caves
feel the pulse, the beat, the becoming.
Interval, space, and impulse converge.
Innocent and ancient
take up the tune,
play riffs,
sing the structure of images.
Eerie progress through the night.
Counterpoint,
pure essence
strains through.
 
A thousand petals open,
reveal the heart of the lotus.
Luminescent
mother of pearls.
 
 
 
 
Mothers' Night
 
 
cascading shards
ripping
echoes falling
"It's our calling."
 
Rape of Earth,
hot spurts, invective words,
savage knives.
Abiding Mothers,
sacred and mundane
twist into harridan
cold stars
 
wailing, hurtling waves.
Sad, old, crust of ages
sliced, screwed, carved up for profit
"It's not the color of the skin,
the culture of the smile"
 
the scent of danger,
the inborn stranger --
all excuses for Us (superior)
and Them (inferior)
"They are not our breed,
but lower curs."
We may kill with unfettered glee.
 
Cursed, clubbed, cut to our requirement.
Borders clear.
"Heretic fear fences in
our livelihood and wives.
Leave THEM to putrid pits
cunning jabs,
our pleasure.”
 
Stunning, treasure that might regale,
heal, exemplify true worth,
sustain humanity and Earth,
sold for pittance of potash
to wage a weary jig.
 
 
 
 
Mother Divine
 
 
Goddess, adore us.
We all want to be loved.
Children cast upon the world
unprepared.
Times past, we would pack together
exploring our abilities,
safe in numbers
small enough to give us each
room to grow.
Isolated in responsibilities,
playing grown-up
so easy to smother
in over-breathed air.
Come to each me, Goddess,
in quietly desperate hours
with praise and adoration.
Tell the stories of our lives
in radiant glory.
Mother, Queen, perfect Being,
gift us grace we need
to grow, embrace resurgence
of your love.
 
 
 
 
Mother Love
 
 
Manifestation, brilliant and
gratefully desired
Yet streaked with disappointment
Nothing is perfectly rendered
I prayed for you;
sent missives of tears heavenward
and wished upon a magick toadstool,
leaving nothing to the vagaries,
divine agendas so noblesse.
Yet, when presented with my
prayer's request fulfilled,
I am not.
You are not what I bargained for
when all my virtue
was on the line.
You are hideous, hateful, spiteful
a devilish sprite sans remorse.
How dare you mock me?
Have I not bestowed upon you
the very gift of life?
Have I not become your idolic
Goddess incarnate?
Worship!  I command you!
Yet you cry, turning red and blue
unwilling to grant me my due
Satan's child --
an answer to hormone raging
prayers,
sinful thoughts -- "Oh, Father,
forgive me."
Nobody should suffer as I do.
Thankless teething serpent,
yowling at your fairytale Moon.
What must I do for your eyes
to shine on me?
 
 
 
 
Mother Says
 
 
Enjoy the Sun
Enjoy the rain
Enjoy the love
Enjoy the pain
Enjoy the fear
Enjoy the rage
 
Listen intimately
to your broken heart.
Feel its words; inhale its art.
 
Dance, sing, self-embrace
and swing.
Enjoy surprise, the changing tides,
this space in time while you’re alive.
 
 
 
 
sacrifice
 
 
Why would a woman risk
death or other bodily terrors,
social exposure to all the slings and arrows
of frenzied hate,
to end her unborn’s fate?
She is protecting her child, like a good mother does,
despite her own suffering,
protecting her innocent from this horrid world,
from people like you.
 
 
 
 
I remember
 
 
Mother mine
I tried to mother you
what did you do?
You lashed me from behind,
expected more from anger
than from kind eyes and smiles.
Claimed I endanger your real child,
the one who followed, the one
resembling you.
Resentful of my resemblance to
unfaithful promises before my time.
No regrets.  No graveside confession
of apology.  I have learned to be
creation of my own obsessive mind.
 
 
 
 
What if teen suicide is just self-completion of a very late term abortion
when the mother was dissuaded from what she knew was right?
 
 
Children thoughtlessly conceived, grudgingly borne helpless,
let loose into the world without a friend. 
All these people who
trust death much more than life.
A streak of compassion grasps my pondering mind,
takes thought
into a whirl of streams. 
I am drawn to wondering about mothers,
archetypes of loving protection. 
How do beleaguered women
conscious of their inability to give what they lack, of their bleakness,
allow their children birth into
useless suffering, into brutality?
Inculcated or innate, maternal imperative,
moral responsibility to love and protect,
ought sound strong warning against prolonging
unfortunate gestation. 
Certainly women have always shared knowledge,
means of ending what ought not have begun. 
Or do they feel need for
outward manifestation of their sins of pleasure,
of weakness, of
worthlessness? 
Do they bear not blessings but images to punish,
a chain of blood and thorns as reminder and retribution?
 
 
Do potential mothers,
pregnant with potential children
who have no interest in being born,
disfigured or
precognizant of earthly depredations,
do they as
sympathetic hosts feel this horror of gestation’s
consequences? 
Are these unborn the true instigators
of abortive maternal acts? 
If their mothers are not able,
or sufficiently sympathetic, to comply,
is suicide
rectification, a severely late-term abortion?
What was my mother’s motivation in carrying and
birthing me, so much an abomination? 
How long would I have suffered my life
had fate not intervened?

Monday, May 6, 2019

May the sickness cease

How do I work toward a goal
when I have no agency?
Stuck in this sticky stew,
the best I can do is suck
air through a tube to breathe.
Plans to move upward lead
only to grief.
Preach from your perch above
that losers deserve our sad
destinies.
You speak to ears
too submerged to hear.
 
 
 
 
I understand – You are relatively wealthy, therefore
happy to carry the myth of rich man’s virtue.
But what about all of those yous who never
“made it”?  Is that because you are too lazy,
undisciplined, just bad?
 
 
 
Rejecting a truth because cynical politicos use it
to manipulate, is them winning the battle to control
your hearts and minds.
 
 

5/6/19 

Sunday, May 5, 2019

meaningless meanness

Flinging isms
as if they are weapons
or arguments
But how many of these soldiers
even know history, how they
came to be, what they are/were
meant to mean?
More useful to state positions clearly,
not isms, but personal concerns.
Granting time to converse and learn,
useful vision is informed
by panoramic views.
 
 
 
We have no respect
We have no honor
 

5/4-5/19