Saturday, May 10, 2025

chironabackground



chironabackground

https://bdelectablemnts.runboard.com/t228759


Act 1: Introductions
Act 2: And so it goes
Act 3: Healer
Act 4: Hope and Joy
Act 5: Complications
Act 6: Conclusions



Barro/City - Uppers/Lowers River between City exiles unwanted
some City businesses ship or fly goods to sell at the Store, attached to Northern
side of Community Center/Comm, managers, equipment
City Uppers with interest scout for pearls to bring over for education,
maybe employment/adoption. University Compound trains for Barro
employment in City interest - Meds, Teachers - only Upper approved
want to keep Barro very low tech to avoid possible revolt
Uppers mostly dilettante; Lowers do the work, well comped in Creds,
 benefits -- full approved medical, no life extension except in special cases,
comfortable facilities, care for aged, disabled
City sparkly, arty, culture, tech -- fully surveilled by AI, human eyes
checking for necessary interventions
Barro phones only connect to info City allows, no surveillance except for
City Compound where City people working in Barro can communicate
with City, access higher tech resources, spend their leisure if they like
Barros not allowed, electrical barrier
Vast stores of knowledge from the past can be easily accessed, but
censor ed to limit possible issues. City people often travel by air car, can
only land in Barro to unload, then back. Inside of cars surveilled, not beyon,
to avoid contraband. Barros mostly travel by foot, wooden wheeled carts
carry stuff, ill or disabled, some wheelchairs for the needy.
High Rise Hovels/Towers 12 stories/basement and subbasement, 6 apts
per floor, 10 towers in a circular design, gardens surround -- Western edge
very near the River for supplies sent over when building with City
materials. Maintenance people on City salaries (much lower rate of pay
than for City grown employees), also tend subbasement jails for violent
miscreants, bad conditions, kept in solitary confinement for life in small
cells with bare amenities -- toilet, sink, shower, bunk, unless
there is an outcry for specific release with assurances that those who
get custody are responsible, can be rejailed if still dangerous.
Basement houses large community shared machinery leant for projects.
Under 1000 Barros, around 500 Uppers, 20,000ish Lowers
Comm built for group of Uppers experimenting with architecture
includes School, classrooms, labs, studios, auditorium
some Uppers want Barros trained in arts/sciences to elicit pearls.
No laws, legality, Uppers edict what they disallow.


School subsidized by Upper grant. Not for Barro benefit so much, though they lie that it is.
Their motivation is to be sure Barros only learn what they allow. It is important to
maintain ignorance of what could be dangerous to the City so they can safely ignore
their exiles and descendants.

Uni Compound - Meds, Teachers, Arts and Sciences, for pearls selected by Teachers,
City people who want to work in the Barro, cut off from communicating outside the Compound, so
pearls won't learn what they ought not. AI surveillance, watching to see pearls' abilities when
trained. Those who meet standards, are offered permanent employment in the City, but most never go
back to Barro, or communicate with those there.



Pantry/Kitchen on West (River) edge of Comm. provides meals for those
who need them for free, or others can pay what they will to go into Community,
(like Tower rent) pay for supplies, staff -- Pantry stores harvest from Gardens, freezer, fridge,
bins; seats, tables, prep counters -- sells on sliding scale based on need, staff to store, make meals and
other prepared foods, clean, take payment, keep order if necessary

East side of Comm, Rec Center for items no longer wanted to be stored until
someone takes them; Tool Shed for projects

Old History: app. 250 years ago during massive Climate Change,
app. 200 billionaires worldwide decide to use their resources to find
safe haven. Discovered this area in North Western Canada that had
burned, now slowly regrowing. Wide winding River, old forest above
the burn lines, various degrees of devastation East/West/South,
no current known human habitation, some wild creatures survive in
the forest, fish in the River. Temperate climate stabilized. River no
longer hard freezes in Winter.

Digital 24/7 Gossip accessed by command in City, Barro version
for what locals provide on phones -- since pretty much every Barros knows
each others' activities, not used that often except for weather, special
announcements. Archived music, literature, historic records, how tos,
all kinds of human made art, a vast variety of subjects available as well
as instant text or voice communication


Suicide booths NW of City. Lowers without work or supporters only have jail dormitory like public housing to keep them off City streets. If they get too annoying they are exiled


 


Barro across River from City where unwanted, refugees sent
no surveillance or AI presence -- tech kept to minimum to
keep Barros ignorant, unable to create resistance
Train Meds and Teachers to use local tech -- some chosen
from among Barros due to perceived abilities; some volunteers
from City (paid by City for their service), have City Compound,
on Barro near River, tech blocked so only City people can
enter, has access to better tech vols. can use for projects and
to communicate with City

"pearls" - Barros who show exceptional abilities, mentored
by Upper(s) to use for their projects
Uppers have life extension tech, live very long, need projects
to keep them amused. Some take advantage of the low tech
and social differences evolved in the Barro to study various
aspects, provide useful resources, test theories
Had originally thought Barro would be good environment to
grow soldiers, thus wanted rapid reproduction and outlawed
abortion, neutering in a grey zone
Over time refugees who had been an issue showed up less
and less, easily dissuaded by drones - so soldiers were no
longer encouraged, trained, or after time contemplated

project to end homelessness (Temperate weather --
some erected shelters from what materials they could find)
10 high rise towers, 12 floors, plus 2 subfloors for large
machine storage and subbasement jails, 6 apts per floor
4 bedrooms, eat-in kitchen w/ stove, fridge, pantry,
living room, master br, 2 more.

people pay rent based on ability -- money goes for maintenance
then like taxes to pay for community projects




Factory - burns waste/desiccated corpses human and animal for fuel
underground for smoke capture
organ harvest industry
employs large percentage of Barro men and many women
most work is onerous, requires physical strength, keeping machinery
clean, maintained, bagging ash to send out for other uses, carting and
moving corpses through areas for processing, processing corpses,
removing useful organs, any jewelry,
 some office jobs


Deemphasis on gender roles. Group nonreproductive sex popular
Abortion not allowed to the point of not thought of -- due to
decisions from long ago becoming custom.


Custer Ambrose - Upper has wife he had grown and raised fall ill
engineers campaign against Alee when she hasn't the energy
to cure




"My name is Alegra Lucia Alexander, Alee to my community."
Sun, Merc Pisces Moon Leo Rising Aries Venus Aquarius Pluto, Jupiter Scorpio

Jamee Sun, Venus Pisces Moon Cancer Merc. Aquarius Rising Gemini 11+ months older


started job at Gus's Diner cooking at16,
in early Spring, still taking classes, involved in community projects
with friends, developing theater skills, writing plays
parents killed late Fall, innocent bystanders to explosion set
by rebellious warring teens


Alee's illness - fatigue, no energy, vertigo, aches throughout body
sensitive to light
suddenly stricken age 20, could no longer work
visited at first, but too tired to socialize, visits declined
alone in bed made up stories, songs. Tended to mainly by Jamee,
Paul, Sophia, often spend time. Given pain reducing herbs, helps
general dream state take hold. Next door kin look in

"I would give myself to the music, let it move me. Then, when my
body had no energy for movement, I would give myself and dance
to the music in my imagination"

"Unable to play in my body, I gleefully dance sun-drenched fields
in my ever active imagination"

"Is this just another deepest desire fulfillment dream?"

"Trying on different aspects of my prior life to see what fits now"

After recovery volunteer providing meals from Pantry to shut-ins
2 hr shifts in Kitchen for pittance, theater for tips


discovers ability to heal
Paul brings her to people he thinks she can help. Word of mouth spreads.
Eventually news travels through City Compound communication
to 24/7 Gossip. More and more supplicants. Alee's energy diminishes.



Mom Julia's parents Grappa Dan/Gramma Liz next door
Cas moved in there to tend to them when he was 18, Bobby 16 left
their room, longtime friend, Bonnie left for Uni Med when he was 15,
she 18 - recently returned, moved in empty room with Cas and Graps

Graps, disabled brother Sammy died after Julia, youngest grown, older
brother Bobby moved to apt next door while Julia/Sam still kids,
takes care of parents until he dies months before Bobby Alee's brother is born
Julia and Eli move in with Bobby after they get together for more privacy and
to help with Graps; Julia had been living with older sister, Ann's family, Eli with
friends
Julia researches plant potentials as had her Mom when younger, looking to
help Sam, tries Garden experiments, as Marta will starting as a young teen working with Mom

Graps from Gardener families
Dan's fruit trees at edge of Forest, plot below for other fruits -- sold at Mart, Restaurant,
other food purveyors, some sale of prepared foods as well as for families, figured out
fermentation along the way to produce wine
Liz's grew vegetables to sell/prepare, also herbs for primitive medical uses

Ella, Julia's 5 year older sister, 3 years younger than Bobby [Sam 2 yrs older than Julia]
marries into other Gardners with plot near Dan's, further South, below trees -- after Dan
retires they combine
Liz went to Uni-Teach for research/teaching botany. Julia family taught, working w/
Dan/Liz/Ella, Liz's lab, fermentation research

Eli has afternoon shift at Factory, cooks for family, crafts wooden drums and flutes, plays by
himself and with friends, teaches family, Bobby learns to craft instruments, more artistic
Jamee takes up flute as companion, Alee sings/dances -- home often a party

Seed library available to botany lab housed in Clinic -- Early Upper project when thought
to grow soldiers -- staffed mostly by Barro pearls trained at Uni Med, some City born
interested in applying primitive medicine, also Barro auxiliary workers -- Clinic staff and
resources paid by unlimited Upper grant, administered by Lower budget managers, who also
keep an eye to make sure staff sticks to approved treatments, research
Seeds eventually available to Gardeners, replaced after harvested.



Martina/Marta 10 years older, Sun Cap/Moon Virgo/Aqu Rising

James/Jamee less than a year older, closest friend from start
Sun Pisces/Moon Cancer/Gem rising/Aqu Mercury/Pisces Venus/
Late Libra Jupiter

Paul, Jamee's best friend after Alee, met when Jamee was 5/Paul 8
lives with poor health parents downstairs. Older brother had died
(sickly) several miscarriages, Paul only living child. Became
enamored of Jamee who he saw around the community, wanted
to get to know him, mentor, play
Sun Virgo/Moon Cancer/Aq rising/Libra Venus/


Mayor Paul paid in kind, not cash, including care for his aging disabled parents
Informal Barro stakeholder meeting, including all interested, chose Paul after
previous Mayor retired because he was already in the habit of wandering about,
seeing what people might need or want to talk about, due to his natural curiosity and need to
be of service.

"My beloved's deep green eyes, like gazing int the sea. Having never seen a sea,
I imagine it like our River, but much more immense, with no discernible end."


Bonnie Sun Virgo Moon Pisces Cap Rising
Cas Sun Cancer Moon Virgo Pisces Rising

Bonnie and Cas were great friends from acquaintance as neighbors
since she 15, he 12
Bonnie's family, like Jay's next up floor, despite 3 year difference
in age. Each perceived admirable traits in the other. Each working
out a need to be of service, based on unique experiences, special
destinies, a spirit bond.

"I'm no historian, not even of the family, my original or my chosen.
Cas delights in recounting his elder's stories. Sophia, of course, if a
professional researcher, recorder and teacher of history, along with
teaching generally at the School. She would spend what time she
could regaling Alee with all manner of historical adventure, to give
that still active mind more grist, usual options dismissed by her
inactive body. I am what we call a Medical Technician, or less
formally, Med. I had to go away to Uni-Teach across the River, the
City's University Compound, we they make sure we Barros only
learn what the Uppers allow. Of course they can't have uprisings or
violent artillery or too much technology that might threaten
their iron rule.
Not one to follow a plan, Alee seems to live by the philosophy:
do what feels right; improve it as you can."


Sophia's folks were tutors for Upper children
she and her older brother and sister were raised among.
Went to Uni Teaching 18-20, as did Marta same time/age
only met after, working at School, became fast and intimate
friends, since Alee was 10
Sun Sag Moon Pisces Virgo Rising, Merc, Pluto in Scorpio
Marta Sun Cap, Moon Virgo, Aqu Rising/Merc

Sophia speaks with sister, Daphne, from Barro City Compound. Sister asks what's happening, saw on 24/7 Gossip about Barro healer, reported by other City people working in Barro to their City friends from Compound.


Danny named for late Grappa Dan - 11
Diana 9
Eli 8 [born when Alee late 16, after explosion
Julia 7

Jay, Alee's friend since 5 Sun Leo Moon Pisces Rising, Jupiter, Pluto Scorpio
Merc/Venus Cancer upstairs neighbor, got together hanging out in the Mart
where Jay's Mom and sisters sold Mom's knitting, Alee looking for
distraction after Jamee and Paul get together in boyhood activities
she is not as interested in.

Barbara, Jay's Mom somewhat paranoid schiz -- very suspicious, difficult
7 sisters, Jay youngest, Dad, Mal, leaves when Jay 2ish, moves in with other
men retreating from bad romances, including Bonnie's Dad, Ben.



April 4, 2222 late afternoon (Jamee's Factory shift ends at 4pm)
Sophia at School meeting gets Jamee's text, finishes meeting before seeing
Calls Marta at lab who says she'll meet S. at home when she can
Bobby, Camille, kids at art show. Don't want to overwhelm A.
Bobby goes to apt after show winding down. Arrives before M
Jamee asks Alee if Jay to be invited, texts her, arrives after Bobby


Dorothy/Dory 50s (same age as Barbara) former Primary Teacher, fundamental
lessons, failing from longterm degenerative disease.
Tony, her husband, works Clinic Auxiliary, ever worse dispair -- no kids Live in same Tower
as Jay's Dad, sisters, upstairs.

Camille friends with Barbara's oldest, Gwen and Rebecca surround her in age. Rebellious teens,
before she got together with Bobby and his family. Mom teen suicide, drowned in River,
when Cam 2-3, given to her grandmother before she went to die. Cam left at 14, after s
he found an older friend whose SO had left her for another, Laura, did refuse
collection and redistribution for Towers, paid by Towers' City grant. Happy to invite
Cam to take one of her empty rooms in exchange for companionship and various chores.
Eventually Gwen and Rebecca moved in as well. Next door to bachelor apt where
Bonnie and Jay's Dads live. Cam used Rec Center material/clothes to renovate,
made dyes/paints art projects to sell in the Mart for expenses.

Last edited by libramoon, May/18/2025, 6:58 pm


Act One:  Introductions

Alee

Glorious, brilliant light sweeps through me,
caresses, infused with sweet scented air.
Every part of me feels Awake!  Breathing
fully.  Eyes, skin, bathed in deep, deep warmth,
live bestowing Sunshine!
My mind dances, so free
and
Look!  I find myself dancing, moved onto,
over the floor, sunshine warmth spinning me
round and round, caught up in buoyant sound
emitted from my heart, throat, mouth, emanated
through my rhythmic feet, upward into bliss of
music all I know to feel, wrapped in unwinding
velvet ribbons of NOW.  I am dance, breath,
omg ecstasy, me, Alee, free
No need or desire to remind this bliss filled
consciousness of all that suffered, unproductive,
unconscionable wasted time -- literal years
bound, unallowed by my own desperate weakness
to be that lively lass we all knew as me, Alee, drowned
under some ill-fated mystery, holding me down,
without even the energy to hope for salvation.
Retreated into dream fantasies, ambient lullabies
my uneasy mind voices inside to keep me company,
a self-protective buffer against unending pain,
the despair of utter dependence on the kindness of
those near who have held me dear.
No, I've better thoughts to expend this surging
energy on, happy songs to carry me into steps,
whirls, untensed muscles that let me express in a
flow of merriment, FUN!
Look at me, awhirl in the thrill of what seems
unceasing energy where so very recently I had
none.  Romping throughout my room and beyond,
smiling into each window as if to renew a beloved
friendship with brilliant Mother Sun, Her Majesty.
Overwhelmed with blessing, feeling ultimately
alive, ready for anything to manifest after this
miracle has been granted.  I am aglow with
happiness, knowing this reprieve is real, not a cruel
joke, some fleeting wish fulfillment dream.  This new
renascence I have woken to is meant to last. I feel
that glorious resurgence urging me to let loose in
enthusiastic dance




Jamee

Alee, Alee, what do I see!  You are dancing,
my old Alee, little sister always in motion,
a vision of grace.  What miracle has brought
you back to me?  Here I am, returned home
from my shift at the factory to tend to my
precious invalid, as every day since your
spirit was compromised by a mysterious disease.
Yet, look!  Amazement!  You seem to no longer
need my ministrations, all alive and aglee,
ready for any eventuality -- or is this just a
cruel tease?  Will you again be struck down
by this malady we have watched you suffer
mostly silently, bereft of the energy to speak,
to sing as our Alee would?  Oh, my so very dear
sister, nearly a twin, my closest friend, confidante,
companion, I so very greatly want to believe
we have regained your full brilliant ebullience
to delight our mutual lives as our past, before
these years of absence. It does feel like at least
a lifetime, grieving your ebbing energy, light bit
by bit fading from your sparkling eyes. This wild,
wise beyond her experience, gentle, kind, yet
always ready to fight for what you feel needs
fighting for, how I admired your strength and
inspiring elation.  I have done my best to care for
you, the physical chores you could no longer manage.
Yet, I have been so disheartened, seeing you depleted,
devastated to take the place of your fierce
independence, knowing you must hate to be waited
on at others' convenience rather than doing what,
when, how you please.  But let us not dwell in those
miseries.  Look!  You are dancing, pirouetting over
to hug me, pull me into your dance, as when we were
younger, unaware of trials to come.  We can again,
as of old, prepare our meal, eat together.  Yes, after
you attend to shower and clean clothing, at last on
your own power. Meanwhile, I will gladly inform
the family of this wondrous homecoming.  Are you
recovered enough for a celebration?  Do you have
the information, how this miracle occurred? Please,
tell me now all that you've wanted to say all those
endless days when speech was too much to long
endure.  I am so incredibly happy, happy is not 
nearly a big enough word. I know I need not enclose
my jubilance in verbal expression, when as ever
you can reach in, feel with me. I do exclaim, honor 
such wonderful relief, the difference between our
years of suffering, unrelenting pain of separation
from who we were.  We can push those terrible days
aside, happy to be here and now with effervescent
Alee once more.



Paul

Jamee, Jamee.  I read your group text, and got
myself here as fast as I could run.  Tell me,
what do you mean by "Alee has returned to us"?
Oh, Alee, I see.  Here you are, awake, alive
as ever you were before.  This is, I am,
overwhelmed with joy!  Such a happy surprise,
I don't know what to say.  Let me hug you both
to me, to feel our renewed connection.
Jamee and I have so missed our enchanting Alee.
We were bereaved to see you stay so ill, devoid
of your special elated energy, dancing, singing,
laughing infectious happiness, even your
dramatic angers over injustices, sadness of loss
or frustration.  We badly missed all we feared.  
forever gone wan near motionless shell, unable
to lift up from your bed, to speak above a
limited whisper, too obviously difficult to
continue beyond simple requests, efforts at
fond blessing.  But why am I dwelling on now
past miseries, since we are re-united?  We
must celebrate.  I know the rest of the family
will soon show, once they have seen Jamee's
message.  Let's whip up a feast! Gather the
drums and flutes to share around, play, dance,
eat, to honor our awakened sister, the great
good fortune of her recovery.  Jamee, my true
forever love, a kiss to seal this brilliant moment,
we hug together to share, enhance  ascendant
bliss, dispel those wretched years when we hugged
together to share and expel our despair.  But,
yes, let's raid the pantry to get back our
culinary magic, we three so in sync, catalysts
to each of our creative instincts.  I feel alive
in ways I haven't over that agonizing time.
This home of my heart, far different from the
comfortless place where I still stop to care for
my disabled, aging parents, my true family,
these I have loved, depended upon, for most
of my life, despite not being blood related,
finally one more feels complete, as we should
be.  I imagine my sacred duty, portrayed in my
position as Barro Mayor, will benefit from this
easier mind..  A calm, inviting energy, restored,
though I know  our uplifted state of grace is not
about me; I am enhanced by my role as witness,
beneficiary.  Still, I want you two, my closest
friends, Jamee my lifelong lover, Alee my
chosen sister, to understand how enormously
I am affected.



Sophia

My dear, darling Alegra -- look at you!
Prancing about the room like a conduit of
bubbling grace, just as you had been long
years past -- again.  I know you can see how
happy we are to enjoy your effervescence,
lifting us far from that metaphoric storm
season, buffeted by despair.  I never
anticipated  this particular good fortune
to attend this family struggling against
a detested curse. We who have loved you
through such hapless extremity, with no
reason to believe you could be cured, prepared
more for a much more bitter eventuality --
not now to be our imminent fear.  Instead of
tragedy we have been blessed with this
wonderful turn of events. I know, little bird,
we will all, you the most I'm sure, be glad 
to hear you sing aloud, enthrall us with your
evocative stories, soaring lyrics, you and Jay,
our musical playwrights, had always on
offer.  Again to be regaled by our laughing,
dancing, ever in motion friend who for all
those years before her fall would effortlessly
brighten our lives. Such a joyous homecoming
to this my unofficial family of my heart and
long devotion, happily planning their party,
now given occasion requiring celebration.
Gladly done with today's annoying School
meeting, where the faculty pour out their
grievances in the name of programmatic
improvement, as I struggle to appear
professional, I was delighted, intrigued to
see Jamee's text.  Immediately, I rang Marta,
as always ensconced in an experiment not
to be messed with. We agreed to meet here
when she can leave, no reason for me to
wait for her to become acquainted with
the full tale of the occasion. Jamee, Paul,
I know you must be over the Moon, stars
and planets to have this vivacious Alee,
merry, spry, no longer so only in fond
memory.  I see you three are devising
a celebratory feast.  Of course you are!
No doubt Bobby, Cas, and their crew
will join us shortly to join in creating
a happy, exuberant, celebration, we've
found no reason to enjoy for far too many 
less inspired nights. A magical Spring
evening awaits.  I feel peace, within 
anticipatory excitement, a welcome home.
All those long, now event filled, years ago,
I left my City life, the place I was
born and raised, to discover, move alone,
fully convinced of my academic and
teaching abilities, having grown up in an
atmosphere of schooling, among Upper
learned society, daughter of their
children's tutors. I had then no inkling
I would find not only the engaging work
I had hoped for, but better, a welcoming,
loving smart creative family, at least as
engaging.  Meeting Marta as a colleague
at the School,  unexpected fast and solid
friends, then committed lovers, a transforming
boon, an unremembered dream come true.
Then, to be introduced, pulled in so easily,
become an integral part of this group through
their eldest sister, another unexpected blessing.
Over time, included in the telling of their
memories, I have learned the siblings' reverence
for their parents, Julia and Eli, for whom
two of their grandchildren were named. I
was privileged in the beginning, for six years,
to be part of their extended family as well,
before the tragedy of their untimely demise.
I too grieved then, and joined the alloyed
celebration when little Eli appeared.
And now, here I am for what I dare to describe
as a sacred re-dedication to our integral
core.  I see Bobby entering, next to the
open door, ready to be hugged in by me
so he can get the music going.  Jamee
has left drums and flutes arrayed on one
of the comfy chairs, to be taken up and
played.  Bobby chooses a drum to thump,
tap, beat upon with his practiced hands.
I choose an old wooden flute, made by Eli
in the day, I suspect, a well used relic.
We sway to the rhythm.  The others dance
in and out of the room, while preparing
our future feast.  It is so wonderful, to be
among these people, home on this joyful
night.



Jay

Hey, Alee.  Finally decided to give up on
your marathon of  utter laziness, I see.
Back on your lumbering feet, attempting
to dance? Can't take that performance
to the stage.  You know we've been waiting
for you to wake up and get our plays 
written to take up our parts, even though
we've been muddling through with the
scripts we've got.  Those old disabled folks
you brought meals to still remember you,
though they haven't been neglected. Our
flock has you covered, doing the work you
left to suffer your own illness.  Gus has added
new cook staff, since you abandoned the
expectations we had of your enthusiasms.
Your places taken by we who had the
training of your example, made too busy
to miss you more than occasionally when
we knew how you would have enhanced
the situation.  Of course you know I never
forget all those crazy scenes, merry pranks,
disasters that kept us laughing when recalled.
We were what, five years old, when we 
decided to become a team, you, me, Paul,
Jamee.  Tower neighbors, school mates,
drawn by mutual affection, shared passions,
appreciation of each other's intelligence,
basic trust, but especially all our
outrageous fun.  Come, let's seal this
renascence with a big, reunited kiss,
surreptitious smiles, happy flirtatiousness.
I have so missed all those idyllic whiles,
passion plays, if you will.  Just us two, or
expanded into our flock of intimates.
Let me steal you away from your kitchen
engagement with Paul and Jamee.
Certainly they can enjoy their dinner
preparations adieu.  Dance with me to
Bobby's inviting rhythms, Sophia's 
elegant melodies.  We are well
acquainted with this groove, these
feelings that reverberate through
sensual memory.  Days, months, years
of lonely misery, I would move myself
to visit you, though so briefly, when you
had no energy for attention.  Let that
horrid interval be relegated to the
realm of experiences too unwanted to
dwell on.  From the corner of my half-closed
eye, I notice Marta has at last arrived, 
home from her diligent plant studies.
She shakes off her professional personality,
to integrate with ongoing family revelry.
We pull her into our dance, while the
boys take a break from their kitchen
magicianhood for a bit to join in.
Bobby, let me release you, send out the
beat while you express more fully,
stomping feet, reaching arms to encircle
affectionately the dancing present of
this family elation.  I assume those
remaining of your crew where you left
them, will fill out our complement soon.
Who needs inebriates when real happiness
requires only this exuberant connection
to boost the ambient vibe.  That said, I
brought wine.  When we get to an opportune
break, we can pause the music, pass around
mugs to fill for a formal toast, ritual recognition
to the gods, invitation to party at our side,
imbibe their blessing, infuse our vibrancy
through our shared air, our again united
home.  Listen to me flow effortlessly into
delighted poetry, while Alee counterpoints,
fallen into our old game.  Alee and Jay
together again in full force.  Watch out
world.  Hear us roar.  See us tumble into
each other, laughing, hugging, catching
breath, jumping up from the floor, aware
of sumptuous smells from the kitchen.  Must
soon be time to eat.  And, yes, Bobby has
surreptitiously skipped out, and now returns
with the rest.  Cas and Bonnie, their kids,
Diana and Julia;  Camille, her and Bobby's
little Danny and Eli -- the gang's all here.
Our party has truly started.  Hey, Alee,
see how enormously you are loved.




Marta


My work is important.  Of course I love
my family, reliable support and humanizer.
When we were so much younger, Mom,
Dad, and rambunctious kids, our home felt
bursting with love, tangled up in daily
work, play, serious, silly, we learned to
be independent people, interdependent
for celebration, solace, help as needed,
place to belong.  Mother, Julia, wise,
strong pioneer, eschewed fear or hesitation,
Always sure to exercise intense preparation.
"Pay attention so you don't have to pay with
unnecessary pain," she liked to say, admonish.
Stern words were the only punishment we
expected her to mete, yet certainly enough to
stop us from acting with poor judgement.
Papa Eli, her lifelong partner, foil, the first
word he brings to mind is emotional, over the
top feelings expressed without censor. He
would lovingly carve his wooden flutes,
goatskin covered wooden drums, to distribute
to everyone, sometimes for exchange of value,
usually just to allow for more music to flow.
He liked to orchestrate our repetoire of highs
and lows, to create an engaging atmosphere,
nightly parties for sharing tunes, dance,
exuberance, including whoever would join in,
family and friends. How could we ever forget
his sumptuous meals, his magic with mundane
ingredients, to far greater than sustain us
bodily, rather fill every day with exquisite
flavors to savor, familial memories to honor.
We sisters and brothers, I among us, blessed to
be raised with this legacy of good fun, abiding
love, along with serious endeavors, callings,
responsibilities, always aware that we are cared
for, have people close enough to take in the care
we have to share.  Precious work, dear sustaining
cherishing, what more could I ask to fulfill me?
This special night we are overjoyed to find our
darling little sister returned to us, glorious reprieve
from years of unbearable bereavement. Far from
fading out completely as we had helplessly feared,
somehow, mysterious as her unexpected illness when
it appeared, she has been freed, restored. Surely,
a marvelous surprise to celebrate, an ebullient
awakening to a future in tune with our deepest
desire.  Late as I tend to come to our parties, caught
up in professional chores, still they all understand
that I am very much part of the collective spirit we
call home.  My physical presence will show just as soon
as I can leave my laboratory without jeopardizing care
of execution, complete attention to each next step as
my goal, my vision, manifests. I know it is overly
ambitious, yet I feel compelled to ever more efficiently
feed, clothe, dispel disease, ease maladies for my
surrounding community, beyond my circle of family,
that we may all be well, able to default to joy. I know
Sophia, my beautiful partner and co-conspiratory muse
understands with full sympathy.  Here she is, grabbing
my hands, swooping in for a lingering kiss.   

 
Bobby

Surrounded by bequeathed names, their
associations.  Here, my life, my loved, those
who compose my reflections, my affections,
my greater good to belong among.  Alee,
my little sister (my birth midway between
her, our youngest and our oldest, Marta, with
buffering brothers on either side), named
herself, switched from our parents' decision,
Alegra, to Alee when she was learning speech.
This encouraged her closest brother and friend,
James, to take on Jamee, another game within
their pair bond. I was named for my then
recently departed Uncle Bobby, who, of course
I never knew.  He was Mom's much older
brother who had stayed in the apt next door
to Julia, her parents, and disabled brother, Sam,
to help care for them while keeping a separate
space.  For some years he used the larger bedroom
with attached bath for fermentation of his
father's fruit garden to produce wine for sale
and parties, and his own consumption. When
my Mom and Dad got serious, they moved into
one of his spare rooms, she continuing her aid
to Dan and Liz, while accepting more responsibility
for Liz's experiments, to enhance the healing
possibilities of her family  Garden's herbs. In short
time, Julia and Eli decided to settle in, get ready
to begin their next generation of family within
a kin environment.  I hear that elder Bobby was
kind, thoughtful, fun, if a bit of an inebriate.
Marta, eldest of our sibling crew, knew him best,
as Cas was still a toddler when he passed. She
admits vague memories, that he was an Uncle she
felt safe around when left under his supervision
when Mom and Dad were out pursuing their
endeavors.  I guess Bobby named me, but then
I named my older sibs, with my baby pronunciations.
Martina has since been forever Marta, Lucas, Cas.
On to the next generation, Camille and I continued
the tradition, giving our sons, each in turn, the names
of their great-grappa, Dan, when he died while his
next descendant gestated, and but three years later,
Eli was named for my father, taken, an innocent
bystander, in a grievous crime, or accident since my
parents were not the intended victims. The boys,
named for remembrance after I guess strangely getting
born so close to the deaths of their older kin.  Camille
enthusiastically agreed to this, a small gift she could
offer in those months of grief. Then, there's little Julia,
Cas and Bonnie's younger daughter, born over a year
later, named to honor our mother, who was to us beloved,
wise, inspiring, always available as we each required,
despite long hours of dedication to her scientific inquiries.
Thus her family has become no stranger to tragedy. I was
but 21 when that cursed bomb blew up the core security
we thought we had, as we were learning to become the
adult people we could be.  Just a bunch of stupid teens,
lacking obviously needed supervision, who figured out
how to use the School chem lab equipment obliviate their 
schoolyard enemies.  This violently hostile teen rivalry left
five innocent bystanders and their circles of reverberation 
destroyed, as well as their own lives, relegated to jail for
the duration, since none would dare to try to get them
freed.  Enraged neighbors had clamored to tear them
apart then and there. Our Mayor at that time, trusted
friend among the community, instead insisted that extension
of the violence would not promote healing of our
devastation.  We needed, rather, to grieve together,
with the knowledge that the miscreants who caused this
misery would never again be free. Incarceration in our
underground, beneath the Towers cages, long since built
under the auspices of the City to keep their most vicious
out of their space, soundly punished for their misdeeds
and as warning, meant brutal loneliness, aging in darkness, 
void of activity or stimulation, most certainly a more dire 
punishment than the peace of death. Alee, our youngest, 
was a mere 16 that year, similar in age to the perpetrators.  
She must have seen them in School, thought of them as fellow 
students. Mere months since her birthday, she had started 
working part time for Gus at the Diner, as one of his short order 
cooks. She was there at the time our world exploded outside.  
Later, when life again seemed to have become more normalized, 
she flew into a much less home-oriented existence, ever greater 
community engagement.  A dynamo, her days and nights became 
filled with her theater obsessed friends, participating in their whirl
of creative projects to enhance the general ambiance, give
assistance to those they could see were in need, extend their
youthful energies to make their world more easy and fun for
everyone, a lively flock of a feather, together greater, happier, 
than on their own.  We rarely saw her, except of course for Jamee,
Paul, Jay, her closest confidantes, with whom she played,
made plans, shared explorations every day.  We never thought
we would need to be concerned about her well-being with them
always her reliable support.
Cas, Bonnie, Camille, the kids, and I, since no longer caring for Dan, 
and Liz, now as well gone,  have developed our own familial crew, 
sharing chores (though mostly Cas attends to our household, meals,
cleaning, the children when the rest of us have other responsibilities), 
and support. Camille and I eventually moved into the master bedroom 
to use both for sleep and creating art, different from Uncle Bobby's 
creative pursuits. All of us recovered from that infamous day, each
finding our ways to move forward, to discover who we were, what
we could do. And then, in an unexpected instant, our Alee was gone.
 She was suddenly no longer our dynamic whirlwind, showering
brilliant grace in dance, spontaneous song, spinning glorious
fantasies, swirling through daily plans, work, companions.
Rather, she had become a wan, barely living presence, covered
in blankets, unable to rise for simple self-care. Yet tonight,
tonight we have her back, fully charged, ready to take on this
new start, relight our hearts with that effortless effulgence, a 
shining future we can feel allowed to hope for, again.  Alee
as we had known her, lifts us all.  I suspect Camille will not miss
this early April family birthday celebration, given over to a 
truly worthy cause. 



Cas

The serious one, the dutiful son, following, honoring my 
father's legacy, my mom's wise counsel, my elder sister's
sense of responsibility.  Focused, not like Marta with
her scientific endeavors to improve community well-being,
focused on service to family, and by ripple effect, our
greater world.  It truly pleases, fulfills me to take on these
daily ministrations. There is no better life I might aspire to.
All the precedent preparations to enjoy our meals, seeing
that our home is clean, pleasantly appointed, providing
aid in any form, for any issue that presents, giving our
kids the attention desired, a source of comfort my people
can depend upon, no matter why needed, these acts of
loving grace are me. Back in my later teens, while our
parents were still there to take care of us, I moved
next door to more readily help our grandparents with
chores and health requirements as their aging infirmities 
made them less able to sufficiently do for themselves.
I began then, as well, to work a shift at the Factory,
to pay for their comforting treats, and to invest in
exercise for greater strength as I grew.  My dear friend
for many years, though Marta's age, Bonnie from
upstairs, who I also knew from her volunteering at
Mom's lab for the experience to feed her endearing
curiosity, had earned a place at City's Uni-Med,
so disappeared from my company for those years
away for schooling across the River.  While attending 
Uni it was forbidden to maintain communication with Barro
friends or family.  Her basic high intelligence, intense
focus, grit, and natural empathy had so impressed the
City representatives teaching in our School, they
knew with appropriate training she could be an
amazing medical professional at the Clinic the City
had long since built, back when they had plans to 
grow soldiers from later generations of those they had
evicted.  Way, way back in Barro history.  I like to put
the pieces together like puzzles, understand the past,
its secrets and ripples, how we evolved to now, who
those people then, in their struggles to continue,
shaped us. Anyway, Bonnie did eventually return,
to serve an internship at the Clinic before granted
full Med status, be given the position she had long
worked to attain. Meanwhile, once we were reunited,
we decided that she move in to one of the extra rooms
and help with Grappa and Gramma's care, here, rather
than deal with the pain of the home she was raised
in, where her younger brothers remained. Around
that time, Bobby and Camille joined our next door
extension to this enlarging family, being serious
enough a couple to want the independence of more
private space, as Bobby shared the bedroom I
had abandoned still with Jamee.  Grappa Dan,
ever sicker, passed on.  He had already bequeathed
his Garden, and fermentation operation, to his
oldest daughter, our Aunt Sylvia, and her family.
Then, after mere months, Gramma Liz joined her
lost partner.  Bobby and Camille moved into what
had been their larger room for both bed and studio.
When their son was born not very long after his
great-grandparents' passing, they named him Dan.
Once no longer an infant, he was given his parents'
former room, later to share with his younger brother.
 Little Danny, Eli, my and Bonnie's Diana and Julia,
bit by bit increased our crew. Ever abiding, I provide
what comfort, sustenance, gentle atmosphere of
surrounding care I can.  In fact I am aware that we
all take care of each other in our unique ways.
As a teen I had lopped off my long dark braid
for greater efficiency, inspired by Marta's
practical example. These days I am attired in
the beautiful flowing clothing Camille has
created, decorated to look like a peaceful
starry night, equipped with cinches as required 
for convenience when doing chores.  Well
integrated, my extended family, my happy place.
Today we have been given an infinite blessing,
our sister Alee's miraculous recovery.  Not an
occasion for solace to sorrow, but for grand
celebration, enjoying the party.



Camille



Thursday, May 1, 2025

April Sends Regrets

 




after all the long hard work  and struggles 
to gain these programs, the treasonous POTUS 
imperiously flicks them away



They keep saying Oct. 7 was the most Jews
killed since WWII.  I say, if true, that
proves extreme good fortune for the Jewish
people.  Much fewer Israelis were killed than
Americans on 9/11.  Yes, the US does viciously
attack innocents over many years of combat,
but not at the speed or outrageousness, cruel
destruction of children, profound starvation,
murder of aid workers and journalists, any supposed
safe haven a target for utter devastation, ever
escalating cynical lies, denials, the Israeli evil
persists.  Clearly not for their staged goal of 
eviscerating Hamas, as Gazans who see these
homegrown terrorists as their only hope increase
those numbers despite their vast casualties, as
people previously uninvolved join up out of 
desperation.



Not what may be.
What has been.
What is.



They say:  How do we make people talk?
I wonder:  How do we make people listen?



The Grumpy POTUS won by owning the
public word.



Here we are, because for so long,
we equated worth with wealth



It's not the parties
It's the people we are ready
to elect



So upset with governing Dems?
What do you want them to do?
Be very specific:  Who, What, How




4/23-4/29/25

Monday, April 21, 2025

Tired, bruised, deeply wounded



Israel, and we would hope everyone, 
certainly has a right to defend itself.  
As does Palestine.  Self-defense, however, 
against a much weaker opponent, must be 
exercised judiciously -- and certainly 
without genocide or general murder of innocents


I have trouble understanding just what is autism?  
Apparently there are no medical tests to diagnose, 
rather self-reporting or family reporting experiences
and "if you know one autistic person, you know one 
autistic person" -- so many possible experiences


 explanations of why the Democrats 
lost 2024 include not being the kinds of people 
who expect vicious disinformation and therefore 
have developed no surefire means to dispel them; 
a long time political misuse of education 
denying children their fundamental information 
about how a democracy is meant to work, 
how our governmental structure has been 
developed and their role in fixing/maintaining it; 
long term rightwing policies and practices to 
destroy our governmental structure and 
convince citizens that gov'mint is bad; 
a lazy tendency by The People to fall into 
authoritarian thinking because surely  Daddy 
will protect and take care of us; attitudes 
based on divisive hate rather than what would 
be best for all of us -- and probably others I 
have not yet been made aware of


let's assume those refugees/migrants/legal 
immigrants/US citizens 
that get rounded up on flimsy rationale and 
sent to barbarous incarceration within a brutal 
regime happy to take Mumps bribes -- let's
 assume their lives are in immediate and 
tremendous peril, or already forfeit


Trump is purposely crashing the market, 
as he is purposely crashing the US gov't 
-- to start over with only his loyal lackeys 
and policies created with the purpose 
of making him more wealthy and powerful
because in Nepo Toddler land, the only 
thrill is getting to the top of the heap 
and kicking any contenders down


Oh, the Humanity

Just what is humanity?
Not so much those noble qualities
we aspire to, mythologize,
like kindness,
Heroes that inspire,
a sacred trust to provide for
those in need.
No, it seems we get lost, caught
up in fantasized desires
we gladly forsake [foreswear?]
our fairer angels to acquire


I seek the message, whatever
the media
Compact, useful to carry about
What do I feel urgent to express,
confined to this tiny room
I call mine?
Enduring histories, complex
mysteries, mostly emotions
dressed to elicit release
I see a tree releaving in Spring,
honoring cycles Earth has
evolved over uncounted centuries
My eponymous instincts escape
as I wonder alien worlds in attempt
to find, define, this place and time


From We the People
To Would Be Leaders
Show your worth



One fiery day
I hear Patty Smith insist
"People Have the Power"
while Gil Scott Heron reminds
"The Revolution Will Not Be Televised"
Are We ready NOW
to be our promised Volunteers,
to become America, rise up
against the Monster's ploys to
destroy our hard won rights?
To do due diligence toward more
democratic lives?
Sing out more rousing lyrics
to reach receptive ears, strategic
minds.



Apparently, people are not meant
to be self-actualizing individuals
-- people are meant to serve their
self-entitled superiors


Seems to me, instead of government
officials resigning rather than accede
to illegal commands, stay
Refuse to step down and explain:
I will continue to do my job, which this
command is no part of, and sue for relief
from your criminality in attempting to
coerce me to act illegally


My problem is not so much Grumpy 
POTUS as all the people so willing t
o jump to his side


We spit accusations of America's sins
But America did not do these; people
did -- people of the same nasty tribe
that we easily see today


I am beginning to perceive some of
these extreme Democrat bashers
are fundamentally authoritarian
as the more upfront oligarchs.
You don't have to be a billionaire
to want to rule the world.


4/4-19/25


Friday, April 4, 2025

choose who you listen to

 






somehow all of us need to counteract the MAGA 
disinformation -- which, as more and more Republicans 
are seriously adversely affected by the Mumps regime, 
may become more possible





apparently we have been thrust into authoritarian anarchism 
in which the words of the Mumps are all of the law -- 
and they so enjoy their cruel entertainments




all this Democrat bashing is deplorable.  
No one is perfect.  Multiply that by all the 
Democrats and perfection is far from in the 
offing.  You do realize, the Dems are not just us,
 not just one little interest group.  There are Dems 
from every demographic.  You want better reps?  
Of course we all do -- but we don't all agree on 
what that means.  Do the work to find, promote, 
get out the vote for those closest to your values 
who show effectivity; go positive (we can!)




think about all the wars, mini-wars, civil wars, 
conquest wars; think of all the economic turmoil 
and tests to be passed to be allowed not to starve; 
think of all the angry mobs, all the disinformation 
manufactured rage against each other, the people 
on the streets without recourse who get beaten and 
burned on a lark -- it's all too much to oppose if we 
take them one by one; what we need is a new world 
order based not on violence, but on kindness for our 
mutual support and a world without wars or genocide
 (where such thoughts would be unthinkable)



No human grouping is a monolith.
We each have our idiosyncratic
stories, and their consequences.



Mumps destroys the US basically
by refusing to acknowledge any
other authority, any power over them.
How can we, in turn, learn to refuse
to acknowledge their authority?
How do we ignore their edicts, and
do what is necessary to rule and take
care of ourselves?



None of us can be everywhere at once.
For the most part, what we know about
the world we learn from others.
How do you choose who you listen to?



An important function of a well-run
society is to provide for their people's
basic needs.  People who cannot afford
to pay for these necessities still need them.
Thus, we must fully commit to organizing
means to provide for people's needs, no
matter their circumstances.



Let's talk about sex, free of euphemisms,
titillations, deadly mystery
Species insistence on continuance
led to extremity of desire
"pants on fire", urgency to cloud the
rational mind, thus populating art,
human misery, and rush to ecstasy that
becomes an enmeshing of lives,
and all that entails
All those travails, travels, craven dramas,
generational traumas, brutal loss,
ubiquitous wars.



What was -- and still is in my mindgames



3/24-4/4/25

Sunday, March 23, 2025

chaos reigns



How about a movement to primary
Congressional Democrats with people
who are already effectively working
against the horrible policies and practices
of the Mumps administration?
And how about similar movement among
sane Republicans?
Of course, effective opposition can't
wait for the next elections, but such a
direct threat to their jobs from angry
constituents ought to get our current
Congress moving.



I hear Republicans regret that Mumps'
Government Efficiency project is being
executed so cruelly, while applauding
the idea of saving money.
I don't get how they don't get that this
project, far from saving  money, is chaotic,
ignorant, inefficient, resulting in vast waste
along with loss of US credibility and respect.
Obviously, these so-called saving can not
be the goal.  The point is the cruelty, as a
show of power.


Why do we people insist government
take care of problems it is not equipped
to solve -- then get enraged that our
government isn't doing what we want?
Wouldn't everyone do better if people
who were equipped, or were given the
necessary equipment, were given that job?


In regard to the seemingly unfeeling
reactions from parents and others in regard
to measles deaths among  unvaccinated children, 
maybe in some cases transactional MAGAs may
have not wanted these children -- but abortion
is unthinkable -- and now have a possible means
to be free of those irritating parasites


at the point of post-Reality -- everyone gets to claim 
what is or is not real for ourselves; chaos reigns

are you sending out your phone calls/emails/letters,
 etc. to DEMAND your reps represent your demands?


3/19-23/25


Friday, March 14, 2025

learn to be more interesting




Happy to see you're fully
assimilated into post-Reality

Discern what's needed, and how to
get there, to improve the experience
of being alive.


Is the point of the push for security
at the Canadian and Mexican borders
to keep Americans in?


If Ukraine joined NATO, that would not
be a threat to Russia, unless Russia
invaded Ukraine -- so the attack "to
keep Ukraine out of NATO" could not
possibly be a real reason.


Pounding, beating, hammering --
lacerated, bruised, bloody and worn
Exhausting anxiety
Never enough escape
How dare I? Unenforced by bombs
or poverty (Yet)
Desperate for foreclose regret
while options exist
That endless pervasive pain, as if
all I can do in the face of damnation,
of these we wish would be the end
of days -- a final escape from the price,
the work required, to repair, to heal


Sacrifice our planet so some
self-entitled posterior orifices
can pretend to be superior


to be more attractive, more influential,
learn to be more interesting


What kinds of lives lead to 
innovative problem solvers?


Education with the goal of bringing
better competency to thrive in the world


When we, individually and in groups,
realize there is something we want done,
we then ought to figure out how to do it,
and proceed


Transitional days of sadistic chaos
and waste


Contentious issue are but excuses;
we seem to need to find reasons to
fight, even when aspiring to be friends


Maybe part of the problem is that too
many boys are led to believe that
masculinity means being a dick


People seem to prefer to be lazy and mean,
rather than to do what is necessary for
a well-structured society


People who are serious about US
governance, self-rule, could do the work
to get Rank Choice, or STAR voting
in their states.  Candidate and policy
suggestions are encouraged to come from
any stakeholder, then advertised by those
who agree.   Candidate events arranged
by constituents who want the Q&A
to learn who these potential representatives
are, who the people want to represent them.
A major value expected -- to listen to those
represented.  And to figure out how and implement
excellent civics education 


People who seek limelight.
express with controversy.
Avoid their thrall



If you are accepting misinformation,
and therefore trying to fight against
the wrong opponents, you are much
less likely to succeed in your actual
goals



are you sending out your 
phone calls/emails/letters, etc. to DEMAND 
your reps represent your demands?





been thinking about words being co-opted 
politically so that their meaning is different f
or people based on their political/media 
persuasions.  
As a writer/reader I believe words ought to 
have commonly shared meanings that we are 
able to communicate effectively.





the Democratic Party has not lost its 
way.  It is a private organization supported by 
its members to organize elections.  The so-called 
democratic people of the United States is what 
seems to be losing its way -- having abdicated 
self rule to parties with their own agenda, and 
then complaining that said parties are not 
giving us what we want






we can all stop giving Mumps power,
stop listening to their antics,
stop believing they are in charge,
stop accepting their demands,
understand, power over you is yours to deny 
-- power to rule depends on the
 acquiescence of the people


3/1-12/25

Sunday, March 2, 2025

thinking about evil

 

Original sin is not about forbidden fruit or carnal knowledge; it is the first time you look upon another with hate, not because of what they have done, but because they are.


What is evil? The flip answer, which may be more revealing than not: evil is live backwards.


"Evil," a concept, is a creature of consciousness. It is a label usefully used as a warning against the kinds of thought and consequent behaviors that are about willful destruction of a nonconstructive nature.

I have been thinking about delineating evil. I don't think it is about big events we normatively label as evil, such as Hitler, Hiroshima, et al. I think these big events are made up of a confluence of historical trends, perhaps individual psychoses and paranoias that are mutually inflamed, ingredients of fears, ambitions and the primal excitement of blood lust. 

Evil, though a part of this maelstrom, comes from the little worse demons that plague us everyday. One is piqued, or in pain or in a state of carelessness more than ruthlessness, and communicates with spite, cruelty, meanness, lets the pleasure of that passing on of pain or boost of status over or soothing strike of power take control of how our interchanges take place. If we fear retribution or want to hold off guilt, we may layer our consciences with rationales about what we deserve vis-a-vis the other. We may insist we are acting righteously, to right a wrong, exact revenge, or respect divine will. We may say:  Those of that group aren't worth my respect. I must protect myself from their intended violence against me which I fear I may have provoked, so I must take their power and keep them down. Or, perhaps, I was just lost in my own drama, not thinking about the consequences of my cruelty, but nothing so bad happened. Or, all my friends, my neighbors, my kingroup do these things to those unlike them. I am merely being loyal to my own against a potential threat. Bit by tiny bit terrible consequences so easily build. Evil may be a very little thing.

I am thinking of evil as occupying the extreme negative grid of both the compassion and selfishness scales. Sending out bad feeling like a curse into the other does not diminish it in the sender, but rather increases that tendency as practicing deepens neural patterns. It becomes an ill wind blowing the disease about, a vector of infection.

What is the cure? I don't know about the big picture, but in the sense of being the change you want to see, and becoming the person you want to see in the mirror: Look at what you are doing! Now, don't turn the cruelty inward. Look at your bumbling stupid self and give a big psychic hug released in lots of laughter. Then do what it takes to make it right. Graciously apologize, including humble acceptance of responsibility for consequences. Open to the outward manifestation of your inner demons and find, most likely, that they are not who you imagined. Open yourself to your own life and where it takes you, who you encounter, what you come to understand. Is this goodness? Is this love? Maybe it is living forward.